In July, I didn’t do everything I wanted to do. At best, maybe I did half of what I wanted to it. Going into July, I wanted to write more—and I certainly didn’t. I don’t know why. I’m not looking for a why. An explanation for the past is only an attempt to seek justification; to remove guilt. I don’t feel bad for not writing for almost the entire month. Instead, I feel like I’m in a better place to know what I can and can’t handle, and what I do and don’t prioritise. Writing wasn’t the only goal I fell short on, but it doesn’t matter what else there was.
A new month. Rent and bills have been paid. Time to trek on.
Here are some of my favourite posts from this month:
Since I was out of town for the start of the month, I took a break from blogging (and the Internet as a whole).
A single adjective for July was courageous
I didn’t do anything outrageously brave, but I took chances. I let myself fail one of my personal goals, but I’m not kicking myself for it—kicking myself for failing something doesn’t make me win at it. Duh. Right now, I feel a bit like Elle Woods: taking rejection and failed expectations, and using them to motivate.
It’s impossible to be at 100% all the time. The people who are at 100% all the time look like they’re at 110%—that they have “hustle”—but I’m not one of those people. And I don’t want to be. I like taking a weekend to binge watch all five Twilight Saga films. I may not like lying on my bed resisting destructive urges, but I have to in order to not follow through on those urges.
In August, I look forward to
- following through on my goals for writing, reading, and design
- seeing my client’s book get to print
And that’s it.
I don’t have much going on in terms of visiting, events, or birthdays. My brother’s birthday is on August 26, but I won’t be able to visit his grave and say hello and “You would have been 24 today.” I could try to go up on the train and have my room mate look after my rabbit for a weekend. I’m not thinking on it too much. This past week was the anniversary of his death and funeral, so… I’ve had my fill of mourning.