I had a lot of goals for 2017 that I didn’t achieve.
I’d say that’s okay, but there’s only so much slack I can give to myself. There’s only so much I can let slip by opposed to keeping myself accountable.
In 2017, I…
- started freelance editing (January)
- finished writing The Pilgrimage (February)
- received my Bachelor of Arts from the University of Windsor (April)
- moved back into my family home (May)
- was prescribed medication for bipolar (June)
- ended a long-term relationship/engagement (July)
- made progress with my running (August and September)
- visited Alberta for my dad’s wedding (October)
- started driver’s ed and driving lessons (November)
- survived another year (December)
No wonder when I saw my doctor in the middle of the year she said I was going through a lot of life changes.
I’m looking forward to 2018. There are goals from 2017 that I never finished, and also some that I never started. It will be my first full year not tied to school, which is very, very different, since I’ve never had time off of the educational institute in my life.
I’m hoping 2018 will leave me very fulfilled. ☺️
December was very cold and went by very quickly, yikes.
A celebration: I spent time with family and friends, all of which was awesome.
A change: I spent 2 weeks on a half-dose of my medication, and that was awful (and I’m back on my regular dose). At least that means my full dose works.
A conflict: None of my goals and projects were worked on this month.
A relief: I scheduled all of my driving lessons, which means I can get ready to schedule my driving test to get my G2 license.
A regret: No blogging or story editing this month, again.
A random memory: I went ice skating with a friend and fell flat on my ass. True Canadian style, especially with little kids under five years old skating better than me and passing me on the rink.
The new year is upon us and I’m ready to tackle my goals!
November is come and gone. I’ve still felt withdrawn, but less introspective than I did at the start of the month.
A celebration: I released my poetry collection! You can find it on Amazon, but here’s a page with all the links where you can buy it in Kindle and paperback formats!
A change: The sun is setting before 5PM and I’m so annoyed.
A conflict: The weather has been so up and down lately! I haven’t been comfortable running when I want to because of how cold it’s gotten.
A relief: I purchased winter running gear (long-sleeve sport tech shirt and a windbreaker) that have been phenomenal at keeping me dry and warm.
A regret: No blogging this month. Barely any editing, too.
A random memory: I shared something in therapy and was awestruck by how everyone validated my feelings about what I shared. It was nice.
I’m struggling to manage all the projects I want to do, but the website is something I’m aiming to revamp soon, including the blog. I’ll probably start the new year with a different theme and blogging routine. Same goes for my editing services. I’m revamping what I offer once 2018 comes around. I plan not to blog through December, but I’ll be sure to finish the year off with both month and year in review posts.
A celebration: My dad got married!
A change: The season. It got cold very quickly.
A conflict: Inner turmoil. Feelings of not being good enough. But also not giving a fuck if I can’t meet my own standards.
A relief: Therapy.
A regret: Not a lot of blogging.
A random memory: I sat on my lawn for a while just watching a wild bunny eat. This little act made me remember my bunny, who passed away a year ago, and feel more connected with the cycle of life, death, nature, and humanity. By far the best random memory I’ve had this month.
Onward to November. I’m feeling very withdrawn, though you could also say I’m feeling very introspective. That’s the reason why my blog posts have been lacking this month. But I’m not forcing anything to happen. Just taking it one day at a time and trying to find myself again.
September is gone and it doesn’t really feel like autumn yet because of the outrageous heat wave we experienced in Southern Ontario. Climate change is awful, everyone. I will not survive this kind of heat on a daily basis in the future, ugh.
Anyway! I didn’t really get up to much in September. It feels like I kind of drifted through the weeks.
A celebration: I signed up for both driver’s ed and a mindfulness CBT program! Driver’s ed has gone well (2 more classes) and the MCBT program starts in the middle of October and goes to the end of the year.
A change: My medication was increased, thankfully.
A conflict: I struggled with time management and am still feeling awful about it.
A relief: I did more exercise this month!
A regret: I didn’t achieve any of the writing goals I set for myself.
A random memory: I saw my eye doctor for a check-up, since I needed a new prescription, and forgot he was verrry attractive. My eyes are also in great shape, and I get new lenses and frames on October 3. But anyway, my ophthamologist is a real looker.
October is my favourite month, even if it also has the anniversary of my rabbit’s death. I’m feeling a little optimistic about this month. I have a new planner, I have a lot of goals, and my medication is doing wonderfully at keeping me motivated and focused. (Now, at least; it’s been a week and a half on the increased dosage and I’m just now getting into the flow of things.)
My birthday is on Friday the 6th, by the way. 😉
Oh jeez, I didn’t blog… at all in August. This happens sometimes, and you know what? Time to move on! I can’t go back and make August content when tomorrow is September.
A celebration: My poetry collection is done and now it just needs to be assembled and published.
A change: Impromptu break from blogging this month, haha.
A conflict: I think my medication needs to be upped to a higher dose.
A relief: My medication is working and I’m doing better when it comes to actually… doing things.
A regret: I didn’t blog much or edit my novel this month, nooo!
A random memory: I went camping for a week and there was a deer that just trotted onto the campsite while I was tending to the fire. It gave zero shits whatsoever.
I’m looking forward to September. I have a few appointments with the doctor the first week, one of which concerns my medication. I’m aiming to get more blog posts up about my experience on the antipsychotics! I have a few projects that I want to get back on the ground and work on, too. I’m trying not to think too far ahead to October, since there’s a lot going on in that month, but it’s hard to focus on the present sometimes.
Onward to fall! Give me cooler weather, please! I want to go running regularly!
Time flew this month, wow! I can’t believe July is not only over, but we’re already three days into August. I’ll be glad once summer is over, to be honest. It’s too hot, too humid, and too lonely this time of year.
A celebration: Renovations started on the house and there has been lots of progress!
A change: My boyfriend and I ended our relationship.
A conflict: I started medication for my mental health and needed time adjusting to them.
A relief: My medication was pretty helpful! I’m going into the second month of them now and hoping for the best. There haven’t been many side effects since I started, too, so that’s also a relief.
A regret: I neglected my blog and my writing all over, so I feel guilty for making little progress on my novel and also not writing some of the posts I wanted to in July.
A random memory: I tweeted about this (see the moment here), but when I was doing yard work, there was a cute spider doing spider things. I’ve been practising more kindness toward bugs, since they were one of the things I immediately would scream at and try to kill. I have issues with being aggressive (and not in a good way), so being gentle with something that sued to make me impulsively want to kill it has been a great way in being gentler in the rest of my life.
I’m doing more work in August and trying not to think about the fall and winter. My home life is changing a lot once we get into the third quarter. October is going to be a busy month, along with my birthday month. I know that’s only two months ahead, but only a few months ago it was spring and I was moving back home from Windsor.
June… Ahh, June. It’s hard for me to disconnect this month with the end of school, even though elementary/public and secondary school are way back in my history. We got a lot of rain this month. I enjoyed it, even if it was out of the ordinary and interfered with the amount of jogging I could fit in. This last week, the temperatures have spiked and we’re up past my comfort zone like we probably will be for the rest of summer. (I hate temperatures above 20*C.) On to July!
A celebration: My degree came in the mail, so I officially have the documentation that I paid an institution a lot of money and met some credentials.
A change: I started medication for my mental health, and I plan to blog a bit on that.
A conflict: Social media this month hasn’t benefited me the way I’d like it to, so I’ve thought about taking a hiatus from it in July.
A relief: My father secured financing for renovations on the house. He hopes to start them in the next month, so that means I’ll have work to do with him and see changes in the house!!
A regret: I forgot to blog for half of this month, oops!
A random memory: There was a spider in my bathroom that I decided not to kill on the spot. When I went back to the bathroom later, the spider had moved to the sink—a very difficult spot to manoeuver if you’re killing or not killing the spider. Since I had already seen the spider on the wall and decided I didn’t need to kill it (it wasn’t bothering anybody!), I didn’t want to try drowning it in the sink, either. I spent fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes trying to get the spider on a piece of paper and under a container so I could move it. I successfully put it outside near a small anthill, so hopefully it had a good lunch.
I do have blog posts planned for July, and I do want to get them up in a timely manner and not forget about them.
Since I moved at the beginning of May, I had a lot to adjust to this month. I’m not sure how well I did, though, since it’s now the end of the month and I’m only just feeling settled. It’s hard to get into a routine when it’s so different to the routines you’ve had for years in school.
A celebration: My living expenses are next to nothing, since I’m living with my dad again.
A change: Well, I was still unpacking into the first week, so I guess my move—but mostly the season got warmer.
A conflict: Living with my family has proved to be a little difficult for me.
A relief: I found more resources for helping treat my mental health.
A regret: I didn’t put time toward my manuscript this month.
A random memory: A cashier at a convenience store, whose first language was definitely not English, said to me, “Have a happy day.” It made my morning, and I did have a happy day.
Onward to June. I’m hoping that this month I can really, actually, finally get revisions going on THE PILGRIMAGE. That’s really my main goal. My priorities are so shaken after moving and diving straight into work. I also have another project that I’m working on (that has been on the backburner for ~3 years) that has suddenly picked up momentum again.
This post is written in advance, because as you’ll probably glance down to see, I move today! Lots of lugging boxes and a 5+ hour drive. I honestly enjoy packing and moving—it’s the unpacking that I hate. I like putting things away, but having to unpack furniture and arrange it… Not a fan. Anyway, April is done, unbelievably, and I’m looking forward to summer. I feel a lot of opportunity, even if I’m still being dragged down by negative thinking and whatnot.
A celebration: I am officially out of Windsor and done with university. I have my degree! (Well, almost. It will arrive in the mail, hopefully.)
A change: I moved back to my hometown today!
A conflict: My eating disorder was a nightmare this month.
A relief: I’m more at peace with myself being divided between art and writing.
A regret: I didn’t revise as much as I wanted to.
A random memory: I saw a husky puppy walking down the street one morning (with the owner, of course), and the puppy stopped by a signpost. The owner tugged at the leash, and the husky pranced up to him with a big stick in its mouth. Like, a huge stick. Which reminds me of another memory… A guy shouted outside and I looked out the window to see him carrying a branch that was literally twice his height. Big sticks make us happy, I suppose.
Onward to May! I’m hoping to visit my oldest brother, especially since his birthday is in the end of the month. I really want to see some mountains, so visiting him in Alberta would be fun—and I’d get to see my grandpa for the first time in probably a decade. There’s so much I can do with my time nowadays that I need to really hone my focus and work on my projects. Or, I can fall into the existential crisis that’s been lurking around since the beginning of the month. I’m hoping to try new things and test my dedication this upcoming month: jogging; finishing art projects; finishing writing projects; working on my relationships with friends, family, my boyfriend, and myself. It’ll be an adventure. Wish me luck!