So I watched Bambi for the first time in many, many years last night. Here is a summary:
oh wow we’re in the forest and there are lots of animals everywhere.
HOLY SHIT A FAWN IS BORN!
Bambi: what dis. what dis? what dis. bir. bir. birD.
Bambi’s mama: yo let’s go to the meadow. it’s wonderful.
Bambi: aw shit yaaaas!
Bambi’s mama: DAFUQ BAMBI DON’T RUN OUT LIKE THAT.
Bambi: O_O danger exists in the world
Bambi’s daddy: I’m a boss-ass bitch.
girl fawn: hey.
Bambi: ….. *blushes*
Bambi in winter: what dis? what dis? am I eating bark? holy shit, grass in the meadow!!!!
Bambi’s mama: I fucked up I fucked up I fuc–*dead* (40 minutes, or 2/3, of the film have gone by)
Bambi: WE’RE SAFE!! oh, wait, nevermind. aw shit. now I gotta live with dad.
springtime and every animal is horny.
grumpy, antisocial owl: y’all gonna get horny
Bambi, skunk-I-always-thought-was-a-girl, and Thumper: nah.
~*~*~fifteen minute sequence of the animals getting courted in the most euphemistic “this is lust” scene from Disney~*~*~
now Bambi fights an aggressive, abusive deer for that one female deer from earlier whose name I legitimately cannot hear properly.
Bambi’s daddy: yo look at these Men. they’re gonna fuck up everything.
suddenly everything is on fire.
Bambi knocks up his lady, who gives birth to twins, and then fucks off into the forest with his dad.
THE END. 0